Saying Goodbye
by TMNTgrl
Summary: Prompt 79:100 - When? When the time comes for Leo to leave, he knows he must bid his siblings farewell. But saying goodbye is harder than it sounds- and it sounds hard enough. Oneshot; set in the middle of The Ancient One. Leo's POV.


**_A/N: The prompts! They are coming! Mainly because I have nothing better to do in biology class while we take notes! ;)_**

**_Prompt 79: When?_**

* * *

I never wanted it to come to this.

I know I haven't exactly been myself since the fight on Shredder's starship . . . but I didn't want it to go this far. I didn't ever want to have to leave . . .

But . . . I have to. Sensei says I have to . . .

I don't want anyone to come with me to the docks. So I must tell them goodbye now.

I slowly trudge up to Mikey's room.

He's lying on his bed, reading a comic book with Klunk in the crook of his elbow. "Hey," I say softly.

"Come to say goodbye?" His voice is just as soft.

"You . . . you heard?"

Mikey nods. "We were listening outside." He sets aside the comic book. "I don't want you to go, though. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too, bro. But . . . sensei says . . ."

"I know." Mikey pulls something from under his bed and hands it to me. "Here."

"What's this for?" It's one of his comics. One of the few I've read, actually.

"You can take it with you and read it on the way there. So you don't get bored. I know you said you liked the Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamster ones."

True . . .

"But you have to promise you'll bring it back," Mikey adds forcefully. "Because it's part of my collection. So you have to promise."

I get it. If I promise to bring the comic back, that means I'm promising to bring myself back too. "I promise."

I start to leave. But Mikey speaks up again. "Do you know when you'll come back?"

I stop; the thought hadn't occurred to me before now. "No. I don't."

"Oh. Okay. I . . . I guess I'll . . . see you in the future sometime, then . . ."

I don't reply.

"Bye, Leo . . ."

I can't bring myself to speak, so I just wave. Saying goodbye is harder than I thought. I add the comic to my backpack and head for Don's lab.

"Hey, Leo," he murmurs when he hears my approach. "You leaving?"

"Soon. I had to come say goodbye first."

"So I take it you don't want us to come to the docks with you, then?"

"N . . . no. I don't."

"Oh. Okay." Don turns around. "Then . . . at least take this with you."

He lays something in my hands. "What is it?"

"It's a light. So you won't feel so alone. I made it for you."

"Oh. Thanks."

Don sighs. "I wish you didn't have to go."

"I know."

"Do you know when you'll be back?"

"No."

Don looks at the light in my hands. Then he looks at the ground. I give him a small semi-hug. "Don't worry, Donny. I'll be back. I promise."

"Y-yeah," he whispers. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too." I turn to leave.

"Farewell," Don murmurs.

Once again, I can't bring myself to do anything more than wave.

I add the light to my backpack and soon find Raph beating on his punching bag. "Leavin'?" he grunts.

I nod.

"Know when you'll be back?"

I shake my head.

"'Kay. Later."

And that's it. I wave once more, pick up my backpack, and head out.

But something on the floor near the entrance to the lair catches my eye. I pick it up, but there's no time to open it. I can not miss the boat.

But once I'm on board, safely hidden, I tear open the lumpy white envelope. Inside I find a shurikan- old and rusty, dull and battered- and a letter.

_You know I can't say stuff like this out loud. But . . . I'll miss you, bro. I'll miss you plenty. I feel like I should have said something to you before it got to be too much. I wish I'd been the one to make you explode. 'Cause you can hurt me however much you want; I'll understand. Wallop you for it later, but I'll understand. If beating me up makes you feel better, I'll take it like a man._

_ I'm sorry I didn't try to help you more. Maybe if I had, you wouldn't have had to leave._

_ I want you to take this shurikan, though. It's the first one Splinter ever gave us- the one the two of us used for target practice for years and years. I thought you'd feel less lonely if you had something that reminds you of us._

_ I promise I'll watch after Don and Mikey for you. I'll try to be strong and keep them safe. I know that's what you'd want from me. I know it's what you'd ask . . . if you were yourself . . ._

_ Come home soon, okay? And come home happier. We miss our Leo. Not this weird psychopath with your face. He gives us all nightmares. We want our brother to come home soon._

Psychopath . . . ?

Was . . . was I really that bad . . . ?

_I_ gave them nightmares?

I thought . . . I thought they'd be happy if they were safe . . . but is that not enough? No . . . they can't be happy if I'm not happy. We're so closely twined that one turtle's unhappiness can influence everyone else's.

I didn't want to do that to them . . .

But the brother that Raph speaks of . . . that brother is a failure. That brother can't protect his family.

There must be some median . . . some median between failure and psychopath.

I need answers. Maybe . . . just maybe . . . the Ancient One can provide those answers. I hope . . .

I stare out the window at the receding silhouette of New York City- the only home I've ever known. I think of all I'm leaving behind. My brothers. My father. Everything I know is being left behind.

I want nothing more than to either curl up and cry- and why shouldn't I; after all, no one is here to see- or leap off the boat and just go home.

Instead, I take out issue three of Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters and try to read around my tear-blurred vision.

But all I can think of is my family. The loneliness has already begun to settle in.

I will go back, I tell myself. I must. I don't know when. I don't know in what state of mind.

But I know I'll go back.

I have to.

I promised.

* * *

**_A/N: ...I want a chocolate chip cookie now...and marshmallows...and tootsie rolls...and lemon-sugar-coated jellies...and..._**


End file.
